If You Ever Need Me

(a dialog between me, God, and Matthew West's song "You Know Where to Find Me")

I saw your sky fall down today,
Crashed, right in the middle of the sermon-
Suddenly turn from blue to grey,
Out of nowhere, uncertainty and strange hit me in the face,
Till one by one the raindrops turned to tears upon your face.
and I just couldn’t hold it. Something within me would not settle.
Wish there was something I could do,
Why didn’t you do anything God?
Wish I could ease the pain for you,
I was hurting, confused…
But I’ve never felt so helpless
Where were you?
It’s like you’re drowning right in front of me,
Things just kept getting worse, more confusing, and I couldn’t figure it out. I was spiraling into a hole of crazy ideas, challenging what I know to be true.
And I’m reaching out but you can’t see
…so distraught I couldn’t pray, couldn’t hardly even think.
(There’s) something holding on to you so tight
I couldn’t stay, had to get out of there.
So I guess this is all I’ll say to you tonight:

If you ever need me, you know where to find me;
My child, I’m still here.
I will be waiting where I’ve always been.
I will not abandon you.
If you ever need me, you know where to find me
This is something you need to discover on your own,
I have never left you—(I’m) where I’ve always been
But I will be with you. Keep searching, and you will find The Truth.
Right by your side


When the whole wide world is on your back,
EVERYONE, even my own family and close friends seem to be bringing things up that make me question who I am, what I believe;
And the strength you need is the strength you lack,
I can’t talk about my faith as easily. My faith identity seems almost gone.
You’re in a crowd but all alone,
Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it…it’s so scary. I get so worked up every time I try to discuss it.
If you can’t stay here but you can’t go home,
I can’t escape the theological struggle—it’s at home, it’s at camp, it’s with family, it’s everywhere!
You can’t answer all the “whys”
I have way more questions than I do answers. I can’t seem to answer anything.
‘cause you’re too tired to reach that high,
I just want to avoid it all, distract myself with things far away from the pain, dive in a hole and never come out.
I want you to, I need you to remember, yeah:
God, are you out there? Please, help me...

If you ever need me, you know where to find me;
My child, I’m still here.
I will be waiting where I’ve always been.
I will not abandon you.
If you ever need me, you know where to find me
This is something you need to discover on your own,
I have never left you—(I’m) where I’ve always been
But don’t forget—I’m here for you, even in the most difficult of times.
Right by your side
I’m right by your side